| Note: Best experienced if read aloud while playing "Ghost Town [12'' Version]" by The Specials in the background. You can download it here if you'd like: http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?zygauwmwfzu :18 Marijuana fumes billow from my cracked window as I sit in my car and nervously eyeball the police squad cars passing me by. The air is filled with a paranoid ambiance some more oblivious souls like to call "Autumn." The feeling of imminent attack weights heavy in the back of my mind. My tattered white shirt is covered in smeared ruby red textile paint hand prints. My flannel keeps me both warm and in typical 80's zombie killing movie regalia. In character, I move.  :41 "This town, is coming like a ghost town." :48 The heavy thumping of my combat boots beats in time with my heart. My pace quickens. Sweat begins to pool on my brow, dripping into bleary eyes below. Bystanders on Silver Spring's bustling city streets stare at me with a certain bewilderment. An entire populace totally oblivious to the fact that right outside the Quarry House Tavern on Georgia Avenue were over 200 howling, snarling, decomposing, ravenous zombies ready to tear this city apart. 1:07 "aaaahhhhh-la-la-la-la..." 1:22 I meet up with my flannel clad brethren who cheer at the sight of a comrade. Armed with bloody planks of wood and peculiarly placed enthusiasm, we braced ourselves for the fight of our lives.  Three. There were three of us. Three spirited youth standing alone as one last bastion of hope against the growing hordes, which we heard now numbered over five hundred. 1:35 "Do you remember...?" 1:42 We attempted to rally a gang of skateboarders to our cause. They were less enthusiastic and more entertained, as so many kids tend to be by impending apocalyptic doom. No matter. Skaters be damned! We readied ourselves, for in the distance we could see the slow, mindless swaying of the horde. 1:55 [flute]  2:01 [horns] "BRAINS!" chanted the zombies as they washed over cop cars and public property of downtown Silver Spring like waves crashing against a sandcastle. Civilization had not the foresight of the plague. Only we three had such intuition...and we we're made to feel crazy for it! But we're not crazy. This shit is crazy.   2:20 Zombie's of all kinds from every conceivable form of zombie multimedia approached us. Fast lurching zombies. Slow moving, more traditional zombies. Pseudo goth culture zombies. Doctor zombies, businessmen zombies. Parent and child zombies. Girlfriend and boyfriend zombies. The apparent zombified corpse of Bea Arthur.  The aesthetically frightening, realistic, comical and peculiar could all be seen amidst the sea of sickly colored skin and blood dripping tongues. Hundreds and hundreds of staggering undead all crying out for brains. Our brains. 2:44 "People gettin angry..." 2:47 "aaaahhhhh-la-la-la-la..." 3:00  "Back! Get back! I will FUCK YOU UP!" shouted an irrepressible Tom Ripley. He would be the first to go. In the case of zombie apocalypse it is always wise to remain as unnoticed as possible...says the guy wielding a bloody plank of wood and jabbing at zombie's heads...but comparatively I was much less noticeable. The zombies, having not the cognitive ability to heed our warnings, or to even understand them, descended on us with a mindless hunger and hyper aggressive "spirit," if such a word could be used in such savage, unholy context. Overcome with adrenaline and a healthy dose of fear, we forcibly prodded the horde with our planks, keeping the demons at bay. Battering a few to death, we took little solace in our small victories. The surreal awareness of the circumstances causing me to seriously accept my own mortality was debilitating. The realization of just how unlikely it was that any of us would survive the night struck me. It struck me hard. [crack] 3:38 [trombone] 3:52 My vision reduced to a bleary state of instinct. Torrential and wild was my mind under the city lights and behind the enemy lines. Jabbing were my arms. It was all I knew. It was all I could do. 4:05  We heard Tom's hellish screams as 3 or 15 of the ravenous beasts leapt on top of him. One bite to the jugular and it was over. "NOOOOOO!!" bellowed a bereaved Michael Weber, who went feral at the sight of our fallen Tom. 4:20  Michael thrust his aggression against the rapidly advancing mob with a fervid wrath. The sidewalks were splattered with streaks of red as a blood thirsty Michael proceeded to bludgeon man, woman, and zombie child to a more complete death; showing only as much mercy as was visible in their pearly lifeless eyes. 4:31 Enthused as I watched Michael's display of vengeful heroics (despite how this breaks basic zombie survival code), I returned my focus to my own self preservation just in time to get a good hard look at my killer. A fast moving bastard. I hate fast zombies! Shaggy greenish brown hair, skin pale and dead, eyes lifeless and dripping blood, he leapt onto me, slamming me to the blood splattered sidewalk bellow, and proceeded to...pretend...to bite my neck. He then stood up and staggered down Ellsworth St. to the AFI Silver Theater. "Hey!" I thought. "I've been there before." I thought. I thought! Zombies don't think, and they certainly don't PRETEND to bite people! What's going on? [crack] 5:16 A still very much alive Tom staggered over to me. He was a little wary from his zombie dog pile, but otherwise healthy looking. Michael, the apparent lone "survivor" howled with glee as he splattered the parading costumed bar hoppers, and then himself, with stage blood. Stage blood thirsty is STILL blood thirsty, and real or not, this was still a sight to see and a thing to experience. And I'm still pretty stoned. End. Epilogue: We walked a little lighter, feeling some sense of accomplishment, but letting us forget that we were still admits a few undead stragglers. Talking about our parents and past relationships we warded the beasts off with stern smacks from our staves, and we darted from their lingering aggression with our superior agility, and our superior zombie movie fandom.  "Hey! You're a zombie! You can't run!"
"Oh yeah...BRRAAAIIINNNSSS!!" And then we ate vegan chocolate cake. I'm excited to be living in DC. | 
